Stories, what a powerful thing. Our current mindset can’t grasp how impactful our narratives are on the current reality. The stories we tell ourselves in our mind, about ourselves and the world, and the tales we tell others. The narratives that are collectively told by cultures and societies across the earth. The stories that tell us how to behave, how to dress, how to express our love, and how to live. We are born into a world where the dominant plot is that of destruction, suffering, and our own demise. The world around us is run by fear and violence. We experience that fear as war, genocide, poverty, and violence. We experience that suffering within our own family systems and within ourselves in the forms of abuse, neglect, mental illness, and addiction. The outside tale tells us to toughen up, accept our place in the pain and eternal suffering within ourselves, our community, and the entire planet. What many have begun to realize is that this suffering is created. It is created by the stories that our ancestors have passed down from generation to generation. Though we may be born into a reality of fear and violence, we can choose a different plot at any moment. We were taught certain beliefs by our parents. Beliefs of bad and good, right and wrong, create an identity of perfection which is unachievable. We grow up with a deep fear of being seen for who we truly are, an imperfect human being, just like everyone else.
As a child we try our best to be the “good” kid; to get a reward and avoid punishment. What happens is the “bad” parts of us become forbidden. We don’t allow ourselves to experience those aspects anymore because we are told they are not lovable. We begin to do everything we can to suppress and forget those parts of us. We create a mask, a story about ourselves and how we want to be perceived. If anyone threatens this identity we immediately get defensive and fearfully justify it. As we begin middle school and our prefrontal cortex begins to come online, we are able to create a verbal narrative about what we experienced in childhood. If our parents were abusive we now have the words for what we went through. While our parents may have been abusive, the adoption of this story as “truth” creates a ripple effect for the duration of our lives, until we become aware of it and choose a different plot. What happens is that the narrative of “I was abused” creates the unconscious belief that, “I am not lovable.” So long as we keep telling this tale of abuse, we are going to continue to manifest abusive relationships that prove to us that we are unlovable. And so it goes, until one day we finally look at all of the pain and suffering our belief has caused, own it, and begin the work to integrate and untangle it. Unfortunately for our teenage self, we didn’t know the power of our story, and did what we were taught to do: suffer. The lucky ones see through the story of suffering in their lives, the unlucky ones will only own it on their deathbed. After a lifetime of pain and suffering has already been created.
It is our responsibility to start a new story, within each of our hearts, one by one. Don’t get me wrong, this is some of the most difficult work we can do. It is courageous to begin owning our contribution to the collective story of suffering. The transformation begins with awareness. Wake up to the tales you have in your mind, listen to the stories you tell others. Observe the tension in your body as you think certain thoughts. Cultivate mindfulness in your life, slow down the impulse to react in a habitual way of fear and defense. Take the power back into your own hands and CHOOSE how you wish to react in every situation. Before you start to mindlessly gossiping about another, stop yourself and ask, “what kind of narrative am I writing by speaking badly about someone?” Am I perpetuating the story of love or fear? When we address the internal war and rejection we all inherit, we can transform the entire human consciousness and the tales we tell our children. We are going to mess up, it is very difficult to change the plot of our lives. If we slip back into our old story, we bravely choose to love and accept ourselves; all of ourselves as we are. We look honestly at our imperfections for they hold our greatest gifts. We commit ourselves to quieting the chatter of the mind and tuning into the frequency of the heart. We remember that we all hold a very special and specific piece of the new human story we are writing together. We can write a story of love and joy, or we can keep living the story of fear and violence. It is up to us.